Top 5 Reasons Why I Hope Janny Will Be My Valentine

10+ years ago I saw an incredibly attractive woman standing in the popcorn line at the movie theater. Four years later that same woman became my wife and six years after that she became the mother of our baby girl, Ruby.

Today is Valentine’s Day, yet I write this in a small hotel room on the border of Kansas and Nebraska as just two days ago Janny sat next to her Grandpa as he passed away.  We once again live in the tension of life and death while embracing an Entangled Theology (see last weeks’ posts).

In the midst of the pain, I want to write why my wife is awesome. Our relationship has had lots of pain and lots of joy, so it just makes sense that (even amidst pain) I reflect on the joy you have brought me and so many others.

Janny, you are awesome and here are the top 5 reasons why:

1. You’re Hot

(forgive the Junior Higher in me, but I’m your husband and it’s Valentine’s Day…I can say that!)

2. You’re super quick witted and funny

As much as I like to think I’m the funny guy, we all know you are the one carrying the goods of quick witted humor in this relationship. Even when it might not be completely appropriate, you still throw it out there…and I love that.

3. You’re the best travel partner a man could ask for

Travel has been less of vacation and more of a pilgrimage in our relationship.  It has shaped our worldview, given us the opportunity to see God’s Kingdom breaking through in contexts we would otherwise never imagine and allowed us to spend ridiculous amounts of time together.  How many women would turn in their wardrobe and comfort in exchange for 1 backpack and no guarantees on where we would sleep the next night?  I loved all of the 30ish countries we have wandered through, but most of all I loved wandering through them hand in hand with you (except Morocco where that wasn’t allowed!).

4. Family

I am humbled and honored by the value you put on family.  From loving both of our children through joy and tears to caring selflessly for my grandma when she has been at her worst, you embody selfless love and commitment.  Relational health among our families is in large part due to your leading me by example.

5. Lead the way in living out Jesus’ call on our lives

Setting aside financial and physical security to continually live into Jesus’ call on our lives is no easy task, yet it is one that you have willingly chosen to participate and raise our family within.  For you, following Jesus is not simply a title, one-time decision or about saying the right things.  Instead, you follow Jesus in all aspects of your life and invite others to do the same.

Bonus: You put up with me and keep me in line! Well, you try…

Cheers to my wife, Janny.  You are freaking awesome.  I’m looking forward to another 10+ years and another 10+ years after that.

With all that being said, will you be my Valentine?

P.S. Many of you who read this know Janny.  Jump in and tell her why she is awesome!

Women in the Early Church: The “Devil’s Gateway?”

Last year I did some study on the role and value of women in the early church.  I have had numerous people ask me to post my findings, so here you go!  Couple important notes: I am highlighting the Early Church Fathers of the Patristic Period (100AD-600ADish), NOT the early church of the Apostles in the N.T. after Jesus.  Also, this is NOT an opinion piece (that can be saved for the comments!), but an exceedingly brief synopsis based on original sources.

This past summer I had the opportunity to study in a class that consisted of roughly 40 students from very different church backgrounds and traditions.  The reality of our varying traditions culminated when one of the women in our class was asked to read a Scripture passage relevant to the site we were visiting and one of the men walked away from the group in disgust.   A few minutes later he came back and began to argue that women don’t have the right to read or teach the Holy Scriptures in public. In studying and reading the writings of the Early Church Fathers, it is evident that their perspective continues to shape some current church leaders’ view of woman.

In the estimation of most Early Church Fathers the primary way for woman of the Patristic period to gain esteem, credibility and value was by embracing a life of asceticism, which included perpetual virginity and the willingness to die as a martyr.

Starting Point: Women are the “Devil’s Gateway”

To understand why asceticism was the primary way for women to gain value in the eyes of the Early Church Fathers, we must first examine why woman inherited such a low value to begin with.  Such a value originated out of the ECF’s interpretation of The Fall (to use their language) and specifically Eve’s roll within that narrative.  Referencing 1 Tim. 2:14, Ambrose argues, “The woman, therefore, is the originator of the man’s wrongdoing, not the man of the woman’s.” on of his commentary on Genesis, he says, “She even dragged her husband along with her into sin and showed herself to be an incentive to him.”  Before Ambrose, Tertullian made the argument that blame for Eve’s first sin extended to all woman and that God’s judgment and guilt will live in each one forward. In his treatise, On the Dress of Women, Tertullian says, “You are the Devil’s gateway; you are the unsealer of that tree; you are the first foresaker of the divine law; you are the one who persuaded him whom the Devil was not brave enough to approach; you so lightly crushed the image of God, the man Adam.” In Tertullian’s last line, he makes mention of Adam being the carrier of the image of God.  While not thought by all Early Church Fathers, some believed that women did not contain the image of God because of their order in Creation as being subject to men.

Recovering Value: Procreation, Virginity & Martyrdom

With women carrying the blame for sin, what then shall the role of women be in future generations?  The Early Church Fathers would argue that they are to be man’s helper by populating the world. While this thinking was most likely influenced by Aristotelian reasoning that argued women not having a rational spirit, the ECF used Scripture to make their point.  In his Literal Commentary On Genesis, Augustine gives his perspective on women being man’s “helper” in reference to Gen. 2:18.  He believes God creating another man would have made a much better helper, but another man would not have allowed for children to be born and new generations to begin.  It is for that reason that Augustine finds the only reason for the creation of women, “I cannot think of any reason for woman’s being made as man’s helper, if we dismiss the reason of procreation.”

Virginity. The value of virginity was primarily found in the example the Blessed Virgin Mary.  In his work, Against Heresies, Irenaeus argues that “the knot of Eve’s disobedience was loosened through the obedience of Mary.  For what the virgin Eve bound through unbelief, this the Virgin Mary loosed through faith.” While each woman was born into the curse of Eve, the ECF offered them a chance to redeem their esteem, value and freedom in emulating the Virgin Mary.

It is clear that the women who pursued lives of asceticism were able to find esteem, value and credibility in the Patristic period. Jerome has a close relationship and is outspoken in affirming the ascetic lives of Paula and Marcella.  Marcella was a student of Jerome’s and became a great scholar who carried authority in the church.  Arguing Aristotle’s argument that women don’t have a rational spirit and thus can’t be learned, Jerome says that women can become like men because their asceticism keeps them from temptation.  Having lived as a devout ascetic and after being tortured to death after the sack of Rome in 410AD,  Jerome said this in her eulogy, “She left you as the heir of her poverty, or rather, the poor through you.  Closing her eyes, she was in your arms; breathing her last, it was onto your lips; amid your tears, she smiled, conscious of a good life and future rewards.”

While it is often argued that Christianity benefited woman in general, there is not much evidence of that being true in the writings of the Patristic period.  Do you have anything to add to this retelling of the Early Church Father’s view of women?  Do you see a negative perspective of women still finding its way into the Church?

NOTE: All of quotes are from original writings of the ECF’s.  If you want them, feel free to contact me.  Also, I am not trying to paint the ECF’s in a bad light as there were so many ways they were a positive voice in the Christian story.  Although their view of women was more nuanced than I have the space or capacity to articulate, I believe it is a perspective and part of our story that deserves our attention.

Entangled Theology Part 3: Most Painful and Joyous Experiences of My Life

Post 1: After sharing the story of one friend who experienced the radical hope of life in the birth of twins, I also shared the story of another who experienced the radical pain of loss in the death of twins.  I asked the question; “Where is God in the midst of tragic death and enlivening hope?”

Post 2: Examining the characteristics of God through the narrative of Scripture (Covenant, Prophets, Jesus), I argued that suffering is central to the Story of God.  If we deny the reality of suffering, we deny the Story itself…such is the Entangled Theology we live in today.

Today I conclude by sharing what it means to live in the tension of an Entangled Theology in the everyday of my own life.

My wife and I lost our first child (who for a number of reasons we named Haven) just over 15 months ago.  It was the most painful experience of both of our lives.  Just over four months ago, we welcomed our daughter Ruby into our family.  It has been the most joyous experience of our lives.  Some may conclude (and even say this to us!), that the pain of losing Haven is lessened by welcoming the life of Ruby.  That simply hasn’t been the case.  I dedicated my recent book to Haven:

“I dedicate this book to my first child, Haven.  I never had the opportunity to meet you, but you allowed me to experience love in a way more profound than I had ever otherwise known.  Your mother and I are proud of you and look forward to the day we meet you when all is restored. ”

As parents, we will always feel the pain of losing Haven.  As each day passes, the pain shows itself in different ways, but it doesn’t magically go away.  We don’t know why it happened or why it happened to us.  But it did and that is the Story we trust to be true.

With all that said, Ruby does represent hope and restoration in our lives. She is the work of a God that not only acted in history, but who continues to act in the lives of his people today.  It is in her eyes that we see the lives of both of our children and we are filled with gratitude.

My grandma is 93 years old and her body has been breaking down for a couple years, but especially in the past couple months.  She loves Jesus and is self admittedly ready to be with him.  Her days are often depressing as she knows death is around the corner.  We (especially Janny and Ruby) have been trying to visit her as often as possible as she lies in a foreign hospital bed.  Often, we will look into the room before she sees us and see her visible distress and depression.  As she slowly looks up and catches eyes with Ruby, her whole disposition changes.  It is sacred ground.  We see two of God’s children; one who is soon to leave the earth and the other a new arrival.  My grandma recently said to Ruby, “You just came from heaven, please tell me about it because I’ll be there soon.”

On the eve of impending death, new life (in the form of Ruby) brings a transcendent hope.

In the Story of God, death/pain stand side by side with life/hope.  This in an Entangled Theology.

Thoughts?  Anyone else experience this dynamic of an Entangled Theology?


Entangled Theology Part 2: Living w/the Pain of Death and Hope of Life

After Monday’s post, I am realized that my approach to “Part 2” was going to need to change form a bit.  I had numerous people contact me through personal email and social media with their story.  It blows my mind how many have endured the death of a child, yet our Christian culture speaks so little into its reality. We eagerly celebrate the life of a newborn, yet rarely acknowledge the lasting pain of loss in the life of one who didn’t make it.  This deserves a lot more attention, which I will not offer in this series of posts.  For now, if you are looking for a systematic/rational “answer” to the mystery of life/death as presented in Part 1, you might as well stop reading now.  In fact, I have tried to seek that answer over the past couple years and I have found it will continue to leave me wanting.  Further, I believe it strays from the heart of a relational God and the mystery of His ongoing Story.

With that said, I believe there are theological insights that can give us a glimpse into this mystery.  Further, I believe those glimpses are best presented from a variety of voices in conversation.  If you have experienced loss or if you have insight into this mystery, please join the conversation.  We need to hear from you.  Here is a slice (extremely condensed!) of my part of the theological conversation:

Suffering is central to the Story of God.  If we deny the reality of suffering, we deny the very story we have chosen to participate within. In this light, I will highlight three aspects/stages of the Story: Covenant, Prophets and Jesus.

Covenant

YHWH (the LORD) entered a covenant relationship with his people early in the Story.  Beginning with Noah (Gen. 9), building momentum with Abraham (Gen.12-17) and played out time and time again in Moses, YHWH committed to his people and they (although often failing) committed to him.  Each time YHWH’s people would enter exile and suffering, he would remember the covenant and deliver them.  Such a covenant relationship has been extended to all those that choose to be part of His Story today.  The God that remembered his people in the past, remembers his people today.

Prophets

In the midst of exile and suffering, God’s people knew how to weep.  They not only wept on behalf of the people’s tragic situation, they wept on behalf of God’s heartbreak for his people.  The Prophets wept over what could have been and the wept for the hope of the future to be made real now. Thought to have been written by the prophet Jeremiah, Lamentations was set in the 500’s B.C. during a time of Babylonian exile and is made up of 5 poems describing the tragic situation of the Israelites and Jerusalem.  Yes, the book is lined with hope, but it is filled with tears.  In a culture that tells us (directly and indirectly) to “get over it” and move on, we can’t feel ashamed to sit in the pain of suffering and loss.  In fact, it is when we don’t allow ourselves to feel the pain (grieve), that we lose touch with the heart of God.

Jesus: Where God’s solidarity with humanity is revealed

God could have physically overthrown all the powers of oppression, but instead he chose to take the path that would require mourning/sorrow/grief.  It was in Jesus’ weeping and death that God most connected with humanity; such is the sacred nature of pain/sorrow.  We become the most connected with our humanity and God’s standing in solidarity with us in the midst of the pain.

We know the hope is coming, but we can’t force it to come.  We know it was three days for Jesus, but it may be a lot more in our reality.

Some days the pain of losing our child is worse than others, but every day we feel the pain.

We are to be a people, who in both pain and hope, remember that the God that worked in history, is still at work today.

Entangled Theology

I recently listened to Rob Bell use the expression “Entangled Theology.” It can be articulated by arguing that great hope sits side by side with pain.  Such a theology has to live with both doubt and hope.  He went on to say that we often make gods out of certainty, but when destruction comes upon us we have to be able to live and reside within an “Entangled Theology.”

What has been your experience of pain/loss?  How have you dealt with the reality of God existing both in the loss and the hope?  Please join the conversation as it is one that our culture desperately needs to have.

Entangled Theology Part 1: Living w/the Pain of Death & Hope of Life

After years of disappointment, my friend and his wife finally got pregnant.  Not only did they get pregnant, they were pregnant with twins.  Their news came about the same time that Janny and I found out we were pregnant again after the loss of our first child.  We had both experienced the possible pain and disappointment of pregnancy and now we cautiously re-entered the terrifying waters.

He was in my Hebrew classes and every week when we’d first see each other, we would ask each other how our wives and children were doing (expecting the worst, while hoping for the best).  When we would hear, “things still look good,” we give each other a hug and jump back into our Hebrew study.

After asking the question one week, he looked down and said that his wife’s uterus wasn’t growing and the doctors were concerned that the babies wouldn’t make it to term.  My heart sunk and we both feared a replay of past loss.

A few months ago Janny and I got an email with a picture showing two healthy babies, a smiling mom and a relieved dad.  We were brought to tears.

I have another friend whose wife was pregnant with twins.  They were so fired up and excited about their growing family that they had even created a blog where they could share the progress.

At 19 weeks into the pregnancy, her water broke and they had no choice but to deliver their two boys.  They entered the world alive and both mom and dad were able to hold them in the palm of their hands for a couple hours.  There was no way to keep them alive, so after these short sacred moments together, they both past away.  We were brought to tears.

As I send and receive emails from both of these friends, I am struck by the contrast in their stories.  What do I say?  How do I respond?  Such incredibly different stories, yet they both love and serve the same God.

Janny and I have experienced both the pain of loss and the joy of new life.  When we share in these stories, both lead to tears.  But the tears represent two very different emotions and outcomes.

Where is God in this?  How do we move forward in the midst of such a tension?  We live with an “entangled theology…”

Note: I will post “Part 2” on Wednesday and “Part 3” on Friday.