Loud Silence

I went away for 24 hours a couple weeks ago with some close friends to spend an extended time in prayer, silence and fasting. Needed to do some listening. Good time. Actually, it was a great time. Something stuck out to me though, as we backpacked a few miles over pretty rough terrain to find a secluded place to camp for the night.

Before we started walking down the trail, we made the commitment to walk in silence in an effort to be fully present and open to simply exist in that time and place. It was awesome, but weird. Don’t know if you have ever spent an hour walking within 5 feet of close friends without ever saying a word to each other. Strange. Then my mind kicks in. As I walk, I’m not distracted by stimulating conversation, so I am left with my own thoughts. Good, but distracting in and of themselves.

Instead of soaking in the sounds of the wind, birds and critters that envelop me in this surreal slice of God’s Creation, what am I thinking about??! Yep, how freaking hot it is outside and that I should have carried a sheet instead of a huge sleeping back in my backpack. I continue by picturing how great it is going to be when we finally get to our destination, take off our shoes, sit in a lawn chair and have some conversation. It becomes all about “then” and nothing about “now.”

Somehow in my mind’s frantic dialog, I was able to stumble upon some redeeming insight while still out on the trail. How often do I live for the “ideal” or “dream” of the future and miss out of the dream of today? Does God only speak to me or use me in powerful ways when I finally get “there” or is he fully expecting me to be present and participate now? Man…I feel as though I have had this wrist slapping insight SO many times, but I keep coming back to it. A life lived to the full is not about waiting/preparing for the future. It is about being fully present in the now.

As I wrestled with this on the trail, I began to have the eyes to see the Life of Creation inhaling and exhaling through the wind blowing through the trees. Creation was alive, connected, moving forward and I was standing right in the middle of it, while being invited to be part of the action.

I write this on a Sunday night gearing up for another week teaching History at a continuation High School. Tough kids, with unreal stories. It is easy for me to already be dreaming of Friday afternoon when the bell rings. That is a sin. God, please allow me to soak in and live out your Dream when that bell rings tomorrow morning and every moment that follows.